The Room of Doom

I finally made it back into the sewing room, although only for as long as it took the kids to play in the bath water. It's been weeks, it seems, since I've done anything remotely creative, mainly because the sewing room has been a total pit and I've lacked the focus or motivation to get it together, then actually launch into a project. I know, I know, it seems like everyone with a quilting blog has caught the spring cleaning bug, but this has been brewing for me since January, when the sewing room experienced what looked like projectile vomiting. I'll post pictures taken to shame myself into at least creating a path to the sewing cabinet. After about a week's worth of dragging assorted bins, books, and do-dads out of the room, and reorganizing the fabric inside the closet, I can actually see the floor. Okay, so the perimeters of the room are still stacked with stuff, but I'm out of space in the closet...

The other challenge to getting started is my mood: angry, depressed (as in clinical), frustrated. So far, this has been a bumpy year for my marriage (okay, so what year hasn't??), and tensions are running high. Add to this stew a heaping helping of fear (of failure, change, divorce, my work not being good enough), and most of my output has been in the form of tears.

Part of the anger, I know, is disapointment with myself. I'm furious that I haven't made time for art, or any other theraputic activity that would improve my outlook. I'm frustrated that I haven't produced anything, especially since I was invited to exhibit some things at an art event at the end of April.

There's currently a discussion on the Quiltart list about this same problem. It's good to know that I'm not the only person who's caught on the anxiety hamster wheel. Now to get the damn thing to slow down a little. Wait a minute, what if I just run a little slower? Or just jump off of it altogther; that is, choose peace over anxiety. As corny as it sounds, I've been praying a little every day, asking for help with the anger and depression. Letting go is something I've never done well.

So, I have a relatively ordered sewing room. I'm working on the chaos in my head and heart. Now to dive into the work.